14th September 2015

Life-affirming funerals

Bespoke funeral for a young man at Mortlake Crematorium. Photo credits: Tim Dirven

Honouring a life your way

A good funeral helps acknowledge a death, pay tribute to a life lived, and find comfort and hope for the time to come. I believe that a funeral can be a healing and uplifting experience.

I guide people in finding their way to express their final goodbyes and honour a life, whatever their belief, gender identity, sexuality, age or background.

I meet you, if possible, in person and take the time that is needed to get to know you and the person who has died. I write a personalised script, liaise with the funeral director and crematorium or cemetery staff to make sure that everything is in place for the funeral service.

On the day, I conduct the ceremony, ensuring a calm and smooth delivery. You will receive a keepsake and I will contact you a couple of days later to learn how you look back on the day.

From the very first draft of the script we knew you appreciated what our mum meant to us and more importantly what kind of woman she was. We could see that our memories of our mum were in safe hands

Life-affirming funerals and memorial services

Funeral ceremonies are an occasion where people can mourn and share memories about the person who has died. A funeral service does not only have to be a sad occasion. Many ceremonies I create also contain and uplifting elements, capturing the spirit of the person with dignity and gratitude. You may want to invite family and friends to take part in the ceremony by means of readings, music or personal tributes.

Children can play their part too. For advise on how to include children in funerals, read my article ‘How to include young children in funerals’. I also offer the option for children to play with the ‘Goodbye Box’, a set of wooden figures that help children express their thoughts and feelings when experiencing a death.

Often, the ceremony takes place at a crematorium, but any other location can be chosen: an old chapel, an outdoor place, a venue that has been meaningful to the person who has died, or at home. If you are interested in an alternative venue for a funeral, this blogpost might inspire you.

Child laying a flower on top of a coffin. Copyright Sacred Stones Ltd.

Baby and child funerals

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No parent should ever be facing the devastating experience of losing a baby or child. Saying farewell to the tiniest of lives and to a future that is never going to be is an extremely difficult thing to do. By carefully listening to the parent’s feelings and wishes I gently offer them options to consider. As part of the ceremony, I offer to include a naming ritual for the baby. In this ritual, we welcome the child into the world. I ask parents how they would like their child to be named which will be the name it will always be known by.

A baby funeral may include a reading; a few words from the parents; lighting of a candle; music; silence; a final farewell. Parents may cover the basket with flowers; with feathers; or with a blanket. There is no template or right or wrong way of doing a funeral for a baby, it’s important to do something that is right for the parents.

For more information about rituals for pregnancy and baby loss, please refer to this article and to this publication on The Legacy of Leo.

“We felt our son’s funeral was beautiful and was a comfort during a terrible time.”

Planning a funeral

.I can help you plan a funeral. As a celebrant, I work with different funeral directors, crematoria and cemeteries, florists, venue managers and other suppliers. Based on your wishes, needs and budget I can advise on options that will help you organise a funeral that is right for you. Planning a funeral in advance has many advantages: it helps you define what is important for your funeral, it helps families to understand what is important for the person whose funeral they are organising, it can reduce costs and gives a structure and options for when the time comes. Please get in touch if you’d like to learn more.

LGBTQ+ funerals

A person-centred funeral honours the whole person and respects their gender and sexuality. Ash Hayhurst has written a helpful guide for queer people who are planning their funeral. You can download the guide here:

Funeral Guide for queer people_Ash Hayhurst

Home funerals: a safe and intimate way of caring for your loved one

.A home funeral invites family and friends for a healing after-death care experience. A home funeral gives time to prepare the body for a home vigil, to care for the body whilst lying in honour, and to transport the body to the place of burial or cremation. I can help you in creating ceremonies and rituals for the key moments in a home funeral process. Home funerals are legal and safe and provide a wonderful way to care for your loved one. If you would like to know more about the practical and logistical options, I can guide to towards the right person to help you.

End-of-life ritual

When someone is critically ill and realises that they will be dying soon, it may give comfort to share ideas and wishes when someone is still alive. I can also help you in creating an end-of-life ritual.

Memorial ceremony

Some people opt for a simple, intimate funeral ceremony shortly after someone has died, followed by a larger memorial service at a later date. I can help you organise a memorial service at a location of your choice, including ceremony design, planning and coordination on the day.

On special anniversaries (birthdays, wedding days, and dying days) it might give comfort to memorialise the deceased and share memories. This can be done at any location, and can take any form you wish. I can help create a memorial ceremony and, if you wish, conduct this on the day.

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At my father’s funeral. My mum, me and my siblings lowering the coffin into the grave.
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How do I work?

  • Meeting in person. On most occasions I will meet with the family in person to create the most appropriate kind of funeral ceremony. Through your stories and memories we will add meaning to the life of the person who has died. I will discuss your wishes and ideas with you, and together, we will select texts, music, rituals and symbols that reflect the personality of the person. If needed we will arrange a follow-up meeting.
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  • Ceremony design. After our first meeting, I will deliver a first draft of the script for the funeral service. Together, we will fill in the details in the days before the service. When the script is final, we will walk through all elements of the service. This enables you and any other people involved to be well prepared for the day.
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  • The ceremony. On the day, I can conduct the funeral service and support any family members and friends who want to participate.

Fees

  • Funeral service in London from £300 (weekday) / £400 weekend
  • Memorial service in London from £350 (weekday) / £450 weekend
  • Scattering or internment of ashes ceremony: from £250
  • Baby funerals: from £150